Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
