I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
