Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
