u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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