this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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