My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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