I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize