yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
