Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
