I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm both gender and math confused
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I love you.
Bad choice
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