do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
