I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
