Welp...herpes.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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