I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
