I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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