I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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