mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
