That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
