did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
