Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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