I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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