Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
