why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
