his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
