barbara walters just said penis...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
