i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
