he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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