Define "chronic" masturbator.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
