sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Two words: blizzard sex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
