you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
