1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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