I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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