Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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