just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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