I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
