Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
