i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
