when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
