I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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