So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can you repeat that, but with context?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
