We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
