Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
