Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
is wine microwaveable?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
