Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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