Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
