You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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