Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
