i think my mom watched the whole time
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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