you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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