worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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