just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
