haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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