dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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