I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
