I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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