True but thats because hes a fetus.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
