Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
