Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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