her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
