My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
