You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
