i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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