How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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