filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
