Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
