you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
