Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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