I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
