So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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