I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
