We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
