I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
