I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
