here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
zippers are such a cool invention
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
