I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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