I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
