I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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