maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
