just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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