I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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