I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize